i once had someone tell me that i had the 'perfect life' - that i had everything. ironically at the time i was in a failing marriage and struggling internally searching for my purpose in life. like there was something else out there for me than the hum drum life of being a trophy wife. alas, now i'm fully content yet there are still monkeys in my heart rattling their cages. maybe it's the imperfect genes i've inherited or there is just one more aspect of my life that i'm itching to rearrange. we spend our lives working towards success - i still want to know what i'll be when i grow up. i'm truly blessed to have her, this beautiful house, pathetic yet loyal pups, the house on the beach, a talent i can't explain but where i go daily i need something...more. this dependency on a bottle of dangerous pills is against my norm in hopes to replace the drugs with yoga, boxing gloves, meditation, something other than a path that could lead me to the likes of the recent MJ disaster. and yes, because it itches so bad that anything, i mean anything, to soothe it would suffice. i spent a few years of my life itching...literally. but this 'itch' is different. anxiety ridden, adrenaline pumping, fully fatigued state of unconsciousness. then it used to be a chronic disease that stemmed from stress from my last relationship - i get that now. and the fact that i'm so content in my personal life makes me think this 'itch' is biological. in these 'genes' that i always said my family got on clearance. i used to shrug my shoulders at my mother's health issues and attempt to provide some sort of compassionate comfort but now, i get it. sorry ma for the disbelief. i feel it too.
despite the recent illness i was able to take the lady on a day of fun-filled activity. like we added all the past friday night 'date nights' we missed and combined three or four in one day. we went to the famous hanover tomato festival to indulge in BLT heaven. then we saw the most amazing IMAX movie at the science museum. i know she (and it's been translated to passion) loves coral reefs and colorful fish so we saw the "coral reef adventure". completely brought me back to snorkeling in the Philippines which was one of the most memorable experiences in my life. something i'll always keep in the back of my head and retract when necessary. a happy place moment. the day took us to a tasty dinner at Rustica then (always my fave) a Richmond Kickers game. this time it was ladies night equipped with wine tasting tent and memorable winning. she won an autographed kicker's soccer ball. i was stoked maybe more than her - i'm such a nerd.
closing on the beach house is next week. reason #245 i may have this anxiety illness going. so excited about something that you just want it to happen already. we've already started packing which builds up the suspense even more. just can't wait to call it our own.
well - i hope to write again soon as it seems to soothe my soul and distract me from the monkeys in my heart.
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