a loose end i've been meaning to mend

we just got back from a quick weekend trip to the shack at the beach. every time we go there we never want to leave. there's something about that place that is peaceful, relaxing and...comfortable. i bet it's not long till we jump this rva ship and move to the beach. even the dogs seem more relaxed and lazy from being there.

the shamrock 8k is two weeks away. we ran the course yesterday to get acquainted with it. who knew I could run five miles? or would ever? alas, i did it. even through all the jokingly complaints i do feel tremendously healthy. between the running every other day, eating right and yoga - i'm no longer feeling pathetic ;) i've moved from gentle to vinyasa yoga which is actually starting to make me have muscles. who knew that would happen too? hehe. maybe it will lend to an easier transition to surfing regularly. which i hope will happen this summer.

it's almost a loose end that i've been meaning to mend. i started to get into it when i was in middle and high school and stopped when i started college.

this weather is beautiful. finally away from snow chances and dreary depressing skies.

warm weather makes you want to do more - hiking, biking, walking, golfing, laying in the park, all of the above. another reason it becomes more difficult to leave the beach.

so we ordered our wedding rings. every thought that crosses my head about marrying her just makes me smile. this union is simple. lacking the need to go all out and follow traditional wedding guidelines. just a want to commit to one another (even if its not legal in this state) and share our love with family and friends. i like this so much better.

well, i've let go of thinking i can recap EVERYTHING that happens on here because there's so much that even my mind can't keep up. till next time...

and....i'm back.

Ok, so it’s these months have flown by like crazy since my last post. It seems like flying time is a side effect of growing old…geez. September and October were jam packed with events whilst the beach house renovations were underway to heed our ‘anniversary’ vacay at the beach in November when things finally settled down. It was pretty amazing to be there one day in late summer with a crappy bathroom then arrive in November to a gorgeous, clean, sparkly bathroom with all new everything. Hotness. And despite the Nor Easter we had a most excellent time cozying it up at the shack for anniversary week. I got all hopped up on detoxifying for a bit which led to attempting hot yoga at a va beach studio that week. And well I dig it and am slowly releasing the inner hippie. It alludes to some sort of peaceful meditation especially during the grieving process.

Of course within the big blogging break there were many injections of outings with friends, family birthdays and bowling. J We started a new tradition with the group o’friends – Halloween bowling. It’s super cheap and you start drinking at noon which makes for some good times and bad bowling but fun nonetheless. And there began the ‘detox’ month. Hehe.

Thanksgiving was super nice. The lady and I grabbed the dogs and ran away to the beach again while all of our families seemed to have dispersed across the east coast. So we made reservations for Thanksgiving dinner at the Surf Club at the Wyndham since it was a few blocks from the house. It was a great buffet – an array of traditional eats along with yummy seafood and most importantly great company and a beautiful view of the beach at sunset. Afterwards we took an automotive stroll down the boardwalk for the holiday lights on the beach.

So here we are onto December and a trip that felt so far away is only two days away. Mexico here we come! A week of all inclusive fun in the Maya Riviera – lounging beach and pool side, trekking the Tulum ruins, spending time with the lady and even more importantly being somewhere else other than the cold cold cold east coast.

I think 2010 will be filled with many great things. I’m already stoked about the trips we have planned. January we visit St. Louis to hang with friends and February we are already booked for a trip with some folks to Asheville to catch a Brandi Carlile show at the Orange Peel.

Obviously I may fall behind once again on blogging so Happy Holidays to you. If there is anything that I have learned from 2009 it is to be thankful. I am so terribly grateful for all that I have and want to spend 2010 and on showing those around me just how thankful I am that they are in my life.


Peace, love and gratitude.

it's a sadness that doesn't disappear

in my past, sadness has been a temporary state. there have been times where the light at the end of the tunnel has been faint yet still possible to reach. this? hardly. i lost a part of me and the other part of me is drowning in incessant sadness that it hurts me too. tortured and helpless. her mother passed. it has been a month of hell. i can't go five minutes without thinking about it or about her. i truly miss momma jackson. i spent a lot of time with her that always left me proud of my partner. you know, they say if you want to know how your partner will evolve as an adult just look at their mother (or father). and the more i got to look at who mrs. jackson was as a person i fell more and more in love with the girl.

this vacation is bittersweet. difficult to deal without the lady for part of it as we have both been absent from work for so long things have backed up yet nice to get away from the daily drudge. very healthy here - physically, mentally and emotionally.

seems as if my mind is absent and it's been that way since she passed. so, i'll blog again when the mood presents itself.

miss you karen...

monkeys in my heart - rattling their cages

i once had someone tell me that i had the 'perfect life' - that i had everything. ironically at the time i was in a failing marriage and struggling internally searching for my purpose in life. like there was something else out there for me than the hum drum life of being a trophy wife. alas, now i'm fully content yet there are still monkeys in my heart rattling their cages. maybe it's the imperfect genes i've inherited or there is just one more aspect of my life that i'm itching to rearrange. we spend our lives working towards success - i still want to know what i'll be when i grow up. i'm truly blessed to have her, this beautiful house, pathetic yet loyal pups, the house on the beach, a talent i can't explain but where i go daily i need something...more. this dependency on a bottle of dangerous pills is against my norm in hopes to replace the drugs with yoga, boxing gloves, meditation, something other than a path that could lead me to the likes of the recent MJ disaster. and yes, because it itches so bad that anything, i mean anything, to soothe it would suffice. i spent a few years of my life itching...literally. but this 'itch' is different. anxiety ridden, adrenaline pumping, fully fatigued state of unconsciousness. then it used to be a chronic disease that stemmed from stress from my last relationship - i get that now. and the fact that i'm so content in my personal life makes me think this 'itch' is biological. in these 'genes' that i always said my family got on clearance. i used to shrug my shoulders at my mother's health issues and attempt to provide some sort of compassionate comfort but now, i get it. sorry ma for the disbelief. i feel it too.

despite the recent illness i was able to take the lady on a day of fun-filled activity. like we added all the past friday night 'date nights' we missed and combined three or four in one day. we went to the famous hanover tomato festival to indulge in BLT heaven. then we saw the most amazing IMAX movie at the science museum. i know she (and it's been translated to passion) loves coral reefs and colorful fish so we saw the "coral reef adventure". completely brought me back to snorkeling in the Philippines which was one of the most memorable experiences in my life. something i'll always keep in the back of my head and retract when necessary. a happy place moment. the day took us to a tasty dinner at Rustica then (always my fave) a Richmond Kickers game. this time it was ladies night equipped with wine tasting tent and memorable winning. she won an autographed kicker's soccer ball. i was stoked maybe more than her - i'm such a nerd.

closing on the beach house is next week. reason #245 i may have this anxiety illness going. so excited about something that you just want it to happen already. we've already started packing which builds up the suspense even more. just can't wait to call it our own.

well - i hope to write again soon as it seems to soothe my soul and distract me from the monkeys in my heart.

bionic dog

gosh, it's been an expensive and tiring few days with the pup. jackster had an obstruction in his duodenum. basically a square chard of a bone that punctured (and was stuck) in his digestion tube thingy. ew and painful. poor kid spent two nights in the doggy hospital. thankfully he's home and now transmits frequencies through the satellite they stuck around his neck. he looks silly and i know niko is quietly taunting him in doggy speak but jackster is too high on pain meds to care.

so we got it - the house on the beach. our little slice of beach heaven for us to visit at any time we want. i can surf, skate, sunbathe, walk the trails of a beautiful state park, spend time with the lady, chillax with the pups, watch the sunrise and sunset on the beach to my heart's content. life can't get any better than this. it's a little 1930's surf cottage yearning for our attention. she giggles but one day i want to make it on the pages of 'coastal living' mag. dammit, it will happen. i have that much faith in our renovating and decorating skills. i'll be sure to use this blog to update folks. i'm totally stoked...

i swear i purposefully try to leave random weekends free in the calendar but things pop up. it's a never ending cycle. the house inspection is this weekend and thankfully that's all that's planned. next week is the big 4th event that i'm sure i'll be needing a few tall ones afterwards to recoup. those big events are killer. i also have a solo gig to prep for - per usual hoping not to suck. attempting not to suck is not an easy thing. it's harder than it looks ;) thankfully it's a profession where drinking on the job is socially acceptable. nice.

alas, i'm slowly winding down. the dogs are a snor'n and the lady keeps yawning; a combination that heeds the nightly turn down routine.

apples to apples

i continue to be amazed by Apple products - i mean i love the fact that i've converted to using only Apple products. i've been on the quest to make this uber professional recording software work. so it was out with the old and in with the new recording interface. this one is more sexy anyway. the new macbooks are only USB hence my struggle with making a Firewire interface compatible with a USB only notebook. whew, that was nerdy.

i wreak of aloe vera. we went camping again this past weekend and had a blast. the second day of sun i neglected to apply a sufficient amount of skin protectant. alas i'm sun kissed and semi sore yet beautifully tan. i spent a lot of the weekend skating back and forth around the campground. gosh, it was fun. i felt like a kid again. that feeling should never go away. the feeling of being a kid again. it's something about that campground that makes me digress to when i was growing up and that entire state park was my playground. it's kinda special to me. i mean, hey, it was where i was conceived. ew.

so last week was the band's CD gig at the Henrico Theater - boy it was fun. i haven't played a rock show that like in a long time but it also gave me some perspective on the direction in which i'd like to take my career. unfortunately i've felt limited for many years and let's just say i'm ready to no longer limit myself. we'll see where it goes. i mean it's hardly 'gone' anywhere for the past few years so it could only get better, right?

i just can't believe the life i used to lead and how much i tricked myself into thinking i was 'happy' when really it was hurting me and those around me. i wake up everyday thankful - that's never happened. i've always searched for more and more trying to achieve something better. feeling lost and complacent but going through the motions of a life that i thought i was 'supposed' to lead never taking a moment to identify what kind of person it was turning me into. my heart literally aches for those that i see living a life like that. you want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them incessantly and yell "what the hell are you doing?!?!" a yearning to express how fast life passes you by and every moment is a moment wasted while you sit on your lazy ass doing nothing about improving your standard of life. i'm selfish. but selfish to a degree in which i threw all of my inhibitions out the window, stuck my middle finger up to our societal expectations, defied the norm and broke free from a life that was dragging me down. i've let too many things drag me down. i used to care way about the material things in life way too much. i've changed my perspective and it feels damn good.

my apologies, i didn't mean to rant - i just kind of took a brain shit for a moment.

i'm getting sleepy and someone is waiting for me...

do you ever take a moment and reflect on exactly how old you are and how far you've come in life? i mean, wow. i'm 26 but still feel like that gitty 12 year old kid. i realize that's an odd way to begin a post but it's so true. 

anyway, i guess i'm doing things that i hardly ever thought i'd be doing and it's freak'n amazing. 

so, we're looking into beach houses. we've both always wanted it and how cool would it be to get a house together that we could make our own? we've found a surf shack in va beach that is ideal and perfectly placed. it's a block from the beach ;) yowza. it's literally a surf cottage that needs some minor work but an old school cottage that is adorable. eh, we'll see what happens. fingers crossed...

per usual life is busy. that brandi carlile show was a blast! i heart her. she is such a talented musician and just being at the show was great. i really dig those concerts at lewis ginter. it was crazy we ended up...uh...kind of following brandi's tour car - made for a good story and good times. 

somewhere in there was a camping trip at the beach. then a weekend trip up to northern va so i could play a solo show at the herndon festival. we stayed at the westin in reston - hehe, that still makes me giggle. we had tons tons tons o fun. even with having the anxiety of playing a big solo show like that we had fun. she insisted we order breakfast in bed (which i've never done before). i felt like a rock star :) trendy hotel, impeccable service, green room at the festival...nice. 

right now we're in between parties - whew busy. maybe too much partying this weekend. friday night we were coaxed into hosting a mary kay party. oh my. it was fun as hell though. nothing like too much wine and make up. it was hilarious. i think the older i get the more 'black outs' happen when consuming too much alcohol. vaguely remembering what happened in the latter of the night and way more foggy than in the past. last night was the kicker's game with friends then ending the night dancing. that was interesting too - the dancing that is. i seem to have the drunkards gravitate towards me. it was like a meat market and so much that some chick bit me. weird. like literally bit me on my shoulder while completely invading my personal space. yikes. 

well my apologies for the delayed blog - life is just too busy. this week involves my show at the henrico theater then i'm totally looking forward to next weekend's camping trip at the beach. always a good time. we're becoming quite the campers :) i dig that.

signing off...