and....i'm back.

Ok, so it’s these months have flown by like crazy since my last post. It seems like flying time is a side effect of growing old…geez. September and October were jam packed with events whilst the beach house renovations were underway to heed our ‘anniversary’ vacay at the beach in November when things finally settled down. It was pretty amazing to be there one day in late summer with a crappy bathroom then arrive in November to a gorgeous, clean, sparkly bathroom with all new everything. Hotness. And despite the Nor Easter we had a most excellent time cozying it up at the shack for anniversary week. I got all hopped up on detoxifying for a bit which led to attempting hot yoga at a va beach studio that week. And well I dig it and am slowly releasing the inner hippie. It alludes to some sort of peaceful meditation especially during the grieving process.

Of course within the big blogging break there were many injections of outings with friends, family birthdays and bowling. J We started a new tradition with the group o’friends – Halloween bowling. It’s super cheap and you start drinking at noon which makes for some good times and bad bowling but fun nonetheless. And there began the ‘detox’ month. Hehe.

Thanksgiving was super nice. The lady and I grabbed the dogs and ran away to the beach again while all of our families seemed to have dispersed across the east coast. So we made reservations for Thanksgiving dinner at the Surf Club at the Wyndham since it was a few blocks from the house. It was a great buffet – an array of traditional eats along with yummy seafood and most importantly great company and a beautiful view of the beach at sunset. Afterwards we took an automotive stroll down the boardwalk for the holiday lights on the beach.

So here we are onto December and a trip that felt so far away is only two days away. Mexico here we come! A week of all inclusive fun in the Maya Riviera – lounging beach and pool side, trekking the Tulum ruins, spending time with the lady and even more importantly being somewhere else other than the cold cold cold east coast.

I think 2010 will be filled with many great things. I’m already stoked about the trips we have planned. January we visit St. Louis to hang with friends and February we are already booked for a trip with some folks to Asheville to catch a Brandi Carlile show at the Orange Peel.

Obviously I may fall behind once again on blogging so Happy Holidays to you. If there is anything that I have learned from 2009 it is to be thankful. I am so terribly grateful for all that I have and want to spend 2010 and on showing those around me just how thankful I am that they are in my life.


Peace, love and gratitude.

it's a sadness that doesn't disappear

in my past, sadness has been a temporary state. there have been times where the light at the end of the tunnel has been faint yet still possible to reach. this? hardly. i lost a part of me and the other part of me is drowning in incessant sadness that it hurts me too. tortured and helpless. her mother passed. it has been a month of hell. i can't go five minutes without thinking about it or about her. i truly miss momma jackson. i spent a lot of time with her that always left me proud of my partner. you know, they say if you want to know how your partner will evolve as an adult just look at their mother (or father). and the more i got to look at who mrs. jackson was as a person i fell more and more in love with the girl.

this vacation is bittersweet. difficult to deal without the lady for part of it as we have both been absent from work for so long things have backed up yet nice to get away from the daily drudge. very healthy here - physically, mentally and emotionally.

seems as if my mind is absent and it's been that way since she passed. so, i'll blog again when the mood presents itself.

miss you karen...

monkeys in my heart - rattling their cages

i once had someone tell me that i had the 'perfect life' - that i had everything. ironically at the time i was in a failing marriage and struggling internally searching for my purpose in life. like there was something else out there for me than the hum drum life of being a trophy wife. alas, now i'm fully content yet there are still monkeys in my heart rattling their cages. maybe it's the imperfect genes i've inherited or there is just one more aspect of my life that i'm itching to rearrange. we spend our lives working towards success - i still want to know what i'll be when i grow up. i'm truly blessed to have her, this beautiful house, pathetic yet loyal pups, the house on the beach, a talent i can't explain but where i go daily i need something...more. this dependency on a bottle of dangerous pills is against my norm in hopes to replace the drugs with yoga, boxing gloves, meditation, something other than a path that could lead me to the likes of the recent MJ disaster. and yes, because it itches so bad that anything, i mean anything, to soothe it would suffice. i spent a few years of my life itching...literally. but this 'itch' is different. anxiety ridden, adrenaline pumping, fully fatigued state of unconsciousness. then it used to be a chronic disease that stemmed from stress from my last relationship - i get that now. and the fact that i'm so content in my personal life makes me think this 'itch' is biological. in these 'genes' that i always said my family got on clearance. i used to shrug my shoulders at my mother's health issues and attempt to provide some sort of compassionate comfort but now, i get it. sorry ma for the disbelief. i feel it too.

despite the recent illness i was able to take the lady on a day of fun-filled activity. like we added all the past friday night 'date nights' we missed and combined three or four in one day. we went to the famous hanover tomato festival to indulge in BLT heaven. then we saw the most amazing IMAX movie at the science museum. i know she (and it's been translated to passion) loves coral reefs and colorful fish so we saw the "coral reef adventure". completely brought me back to snorkeling in the Philippines which was one of the most memorable experiences in my life. something i'll always keep in the back of my head and retract when necessary. a happy place moment. the day took us to a tasty dinner at Rustica then (always my fave) a Richmond Kickers game. this time it was ladies night equipped with wine tasting tent and memorable winning. she won an autographed kicker's soccer ball. i was stoked maybe more than her - i'm such a nerd.

closing on the beach house is next week. reason #245 i may have this anxiety illness going. so excited about something that you just want it to happen already. we've already started packing which builds up the suspense even more. just can't wait to call it our own.

well - i hope to write again soon as it seems to soothe my soul and distract me from the monkeys in my heart.

bionic dog

gosh, it's been an expensive and tiring few days with the pup. jackster had an obstruction in his duodenum. basically a square chard of a bone that punctured (and was stuck) in his digestion tube thingy. ew and painful. poor kid spent two nights in the doggy hospital. thankfully he's home and now transmits frequencies through the satellite they stuck around his neck. he looks silly and i know niko is quietly taunting him in doggy speak but jackster is too high on pain meds to care.

so we got it - the house on the beach. our little slice of beach heaven for us to visit at any time we want. i can surf, skate, sunbathe, walk the trails of a beautiful state park, spend time with the lady, chillax with the pups, watch the sunrise and sunset on the beach to my heart's content. life can't get any better than this. it's a little 1930's surf cottage yearning for our attention. she giggles but one day i want to make it on the pages of 'coastal living' mag. dammit, it will happen. i have that much faith in our renovating and decorating skills. i'll be sure to use this blog to update folks. i'm totally stoked...

i swear i purposefully try to leave random weekends free in the calendar but things pop up. it's a never ending cycle. the house inspection is this weekend and thankfully that's all that's planned. next week is the big 4th event that i'm sure i'll be needing a few tall ones afterwards to recoup. those big events are killer. i also have a solo gig to prep for - per usual hoping not to suck. attempting not to suck is not an easy thing. it's harder than it looks ;) thankfully it's a profession where drinking on the job is socially acceptable. nice.

alas, i'm slowly winding down. the dogs are a snor'n and the lady keeps yawning; a combination that heeds the nightly turn down routine.

apples to apples

i continue to be amazed by Apple products - i mean i love the fact that i've converted to using only Apple products. i've been on the quest to make this uber professional recording software work. so it was out with the old and in with the new recording interface. this one is more sexy anyway. the new macbooks are only USB hence my struggle with making a Firewire interface compatible with a USB only notebook. whew, that was nerdy.

i wreak of aloe vera. we went camping again this past weekend and had a blast. the second day of sun i neglected to apply a sufficient amount of skin protectant. alas i'm sun kissed and semi sore yet beautifully tan. i spent a lot of the weekend skating back and forth around the campground. gosh, it was fun. i felt like a kid again. that feeling should never go away. the feeling of being a kid again. it's something about that campground that makes me digress to when i was growing up and that entire state park was my playground. it's kinda special to me. i mean, hey, it was where i was conceived. ew.

so last week was the band's CD gig at the Henrico Theater - boy it was fun. i haven't played a rock show that like in a long time but it also gave me some perspective on the direction in which i'd like to take my career. unfortunately i've felt limited for many years and let's just say i'm ready to no longer limit myself. we'll see where it goes. i mean it's hardly 'gone' anywhere for the past few years so it could only get better, right?

i just can't believe the life i used to lead and how much i tricked myself into thinking i was 'happy' when really it was hurting me and those around me. i wake up everyday thankful - that's never happened. i've always searched for more and more trying to achieve something better. feeling lost and complacent but going through the motions of a life that i thought i was 'supposed' to lead never taking a moment to identify what kind of person it was turning me into. my heart literally aches for those that i see living a life like that. you want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them incessantly and yell "what the hell are you doing?!?!" a yearning to express how fast life passes you by and every moment is a moment wasted while you sit on your lazy ass doing nothing about improving your standard of life. i'm selfish. but selfish to a degree in which i threw all of my inhibitions out the window, stuck my middle finger up to our societal expectations, defied the norm and broke free from a life that was dragging me down. i've let too many things drag me down. i used to care way about the material things in life way too much. i've changed my perspective and it feels damn good.

my apologies, i didn't mean to rant - i just kind of took a brain shit for a moment.

i'm getting sleepy and someone is waiting for me...

do you ever take a moment and reflect on exactly how old you are and how far you've come in life? i mean, wow. i'm 26 but still feel like that gitty 12 year old kid. i realize that's an odd way to begin a post but it's so true. 

anyway, i guess i'm doing things that i hardly ever thought i'd be doing and it's freak'n amazing. 

so, we're looking into beach houses. we've both always wanted it and how cool would it be to get a house together that we could make our own? we've found a surf shack in va beach that is ideal and perfectly placed. it's a block from the beach ;) yowza. it's literally a surf cottage that needs some minor work but an old school cottage that is adorable. eh, we'll see what happens. fingers crossed...

per usual life is busy. that brandi carlile show was a blast! i heart her. she is such a talented musician and just being at the show was great. i really dig those concerts at lewis ginter. it was crazy we ended up...uh...kind of following brandi's tour car - made for a good story and good times. 

somewhere in there was a camping trip at the beach. then a weekend trip up to northern va so i could play a solo show at the herndon festival. we stayed at the westin in reston - hehe, that still makes me giggle. we had tons tons tons o fun. even with having the anxiety of playing a big solo show like that we had fun. she insisted we order breakfast in bed (which i've never done before). i felt like a rock star :) trendy hotel, impeccable service, green room at the festival...nice. 

right now we're in between parties - whew busy. maybe too much partying this weekend. friday night we were coaxed into hosting a mary kay party. oh my. it was fun as hell though. nothing like too much wine and make up. it was hilarious. i think the older i get the more 'black outs' happen when consuming too much alcohol. vaguely remembering what happened in the latter of the night and way more foggy than in the past. last night was the kicker's game with friends then ending the night dancing. that was interesting too - the dancing that is. i seem to have the drunkards gravitate towards me. it was like a meat market and so much that some chick bit me. weird. like literally bit me on my shoulder while completely invading my personal space. yikes. 

well my apologies for the delayed blog - life is just too busy. this week involves my show at the henrico theater then i'm totally looking forward to next weekend's camping trip at the beach. always a good time. we're becoming quite the campers :) i dig that.

signing off...

just my mac and me

i have the dogs and my mac keeping me company tonight. she's gone for a day or so - doing 'that' thing. it's 'that' thing that may or may not turn my life upside down and all around. i would be literal but i can't risk letting any cat out of the bag mostly because if it happens i bet it would spread like wild fire. i have to patient but it's not so easy when choosing which turn - left or right. 

ok, enough metaphorical crap. 

per usual things have been busy. i mean, really busy. like i miss 'date nights' and those lazy in bed all day su

ndays. i had a super terrific birthday despite the rain and obnoxious allergies. she threw me a bowling party for the whole freak'n family. that was a blast. everyone had fun. even the adults. i love how both our families have kinda become one. everyone likes each other and doesn't mind sharing holidays. my family has doubled in size...yowza. i was totally surprised but she got me a mac! a very sleek and sexy new aluminum mac laptop loaded with all the bells and whistles that allow me to record a solo album. even the top of the line recording software. it's so neato. i was totally stoked and surprised. i didn't 'need' it at all. i just wanted her. but then she surpasses my expectations and wants me to be, get this, happy. i like that. 

then this past weekend consisted of moving my sis into her new pad,  my birthday partying (with friends), mom's day brunch, her leaving on a jet plane. the party with friends was tons o fun. i swear i'm regressing. we went bowling (again) and this time with drinking before and during. uhh, i did better sober :) 

i'm getting a longboard (skateboard that is). see, i'm regressing. well actually i found out that an old high school mate now designs skateboards and i've always been a fan of longboards so he made me one. check it out:

cool, huh? i really dig it. it's a bamboo board and he designed it just for me! 

so yeah back to what i was saying - i'm totally regressing. but it's ok. she still loves me. 

i hate this weather. this on and off again rain and the fickle sun. i need something consistent. i need...the west coast weather. i would feel so much healthier and motivated to do outdoor things. skate around town, surf the pacific, walk the dogs on the beach, cycle sunny cali, etc. etc. etc. and it would be easier to be 'green' there. 

i'm totally stoked about the brandi carlile show this week. i heart her. 

a week or two ago the girl and i went to the gavin degraw show at the national. ahhh, great show and even better than the last. it was a seated show which was so nice. we did our usual and ate at tarrant's (one of our favorite foodie places) before the show. 

RLB's album is finally finished. we will receive the final printed copies in a few weeks just in time for my solo shows at the end of the month. i'm looking forward to have a new album just anxious about my future. if all goes according to plan i'll explain why later it's just a whirlwind of emotions right now. it's scary not knowing your future. 

well, i'm tired and nick at night is starting to suck. 

oh my oh my - i wish i were with you on the west side of the country. 

sweet like candy to my soul

so, unfortunately it took me in another city to have the time to write about the past month or so that i've lost on this blog. again life seems to be so busy.

here i am - in Boston. jenn has some big schmoozy conference to attend and i've been fortunate to tag along to sleep in the uber posh hotel and aimlessly wander around the city. the hotel is perfectly placed in Copley Square near Newberry Street and a copious amount of other popular touristy sites. although i'm resisting the urge to break her free from the confines of the convention hall and continue our traveling adventure together. we have adventures and i like it. i don't think i've been on a single trip with that girl and had a horrible time. even with the baltimore break in - we were still in good spirits shrugging our shoulders and saying 'oh well, it happened'.

ok so the Philippines trip. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! i've never been so culture shocked (ironic how it's considered 'my' culture.) i will never regret that trip with the most important people in my life. to share that experience of my parents being 'balikbayan' (translation* those Filipinos that have left the country and returned to visit) and watching their eyes absorb what their 'homeland' has become in comparison to what they remembered. the day my parents pass i know i'll have regrets - but sharing that with them and jenn...together, filled a void for me. i truly felt like a family. i mean, when your parents tell your significant other to call them 'mom and dad' i'm thinking it's a big step. they love her. i love that.

alright so back to the trip itself. we visited so many different parts of the Philippines that really gave us a 'sampler platter' of the Filipino culture. oddly i felt at home. i think it was the ability to translate EVERYTHING that was said. i mean the locals were talking to me like i had belonged.
while i enjoyed seeing my parent's past and the city of Manila my favorite part of the trip had to be Miniloc Island off the main island of Palawan. i mean, ladies and gents i treked to Santorini, Greece and this island surpasses even the Medittareanean. the natural beauty of the land - completely untouched - made me proud to be a filipino. i guess it was the realization that my culture wasn't just a poverty stricken, dirty, congested city with tight security due to terrorist attacks. i left the island very honored to be 'an island person' ;)

both she and i could've spent weeks on Palawan. i really wish my parents went with us but then again it was kind of a nice getaway for us. boy, did we have fun. snorkeling in the most amazing reefs, seeing fish i don't think i will ever see again, swimming with jack fish the size of me, kayaking in the big and small lagoons, pinicing on banana leaves on some island, hiking through tropical forests, seeing wild monkeys and most importantly sharing it all with her.

i could go on and on about the beauty and the experiences of the trip but words wouldn't do it justice. so go here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rlband5/ and check it out.

so - in a few weeks i turn 26 and can honestly say up till this age i have lived my life to the fullest and i will continue to till i pass. i have seen so much that i wouldn't trade for the world. i don't know where i'll be by the next birthday but wherever i am i hope i can say the same for 27. there are so many material things in this world that i want but honestly what i need i have - all of it and it feels damn good to no longer have the need to search for more. i've never experienced this level of content. everything is so....healthy.

there's been so much that's happening, happened and going to happen that i don't think i can fit it in one blog. i'm already in an ADD induced typing frenzy trying to mention all i can before i explore Boston so my apologies for the typos and hodge podge of words but the sun is shining and before it withers away i want to wander.

the morning coffee kids have gone there separate ways and i'm one of the only few left after the morning rush. i have some time to explore before i induldge in some Legal Seafood with my honey.

peace, love and boston beans...

she's got her own thing...that's why I love her

ok ok. so that's a line from ne-yo. don't judge. i call my musical tastes um...eclectic. i've just had that song in my head for a few days now and always stumble when i try to come up with titles. i guess as corny and pop driven as that song is it completely translates to 'why i love her'. i always tend to gaze in admiration at how independent she can be. i've realized, i love a person with layers. their ability to be their own person yet allow themselves to be vulnerable at times - hotness.

i've fallen in love with this weather. maybe it's the longing to be a west coaster coming back out but i feel 'healthy' in this warm, no humidity, type of weather. i grabbed my road bike and tooled around the neighborhood yesterday afternoon and it felt good. just being outdoors and taking a breath of fresh air is always a good thing for me.

i seem to be counting the days/hours/minutes till we leave for the trip. it's so close. i always get giddy when traveling internationally. some odd excitement about an adventure. plus, it's my homeland! i've spent my entire life in rva that i hardly have any concept of my heritage. i want to immerse in the culture, learn and see everything i can while i'm there. traveling to the resort on Palawan has limited our ability to pack comfortably. so, it's one duffle and one back pack made of parachute material for easy carrying. that's it. go ahead: google 'El Nido' or 'Palawan' and be jealous.

this unbelievably beautiful weather has also got me jones'n some water play.
i promised myself this would be the summer i take up 'paddle surfing'.
thankfully the usual family vacation in avon will occur again this summer to give me some time to learn it. now it's just fitting a 12ft paddle board on the top of the mazda or the volvo - hmm. the girl and i talked about one day going back to our redneck roots and buying an old bronco or land cruiser for the beach, camping, the future kids and such. kids? yeah, one day i hope. maybe it's my age or the stability and happiness of my relationship but i think i could be a mom. a not so normal mom but a mom nonetheless. so what if my kid has a mo-hawk, leather bracelets, lacoste polos, cargos and chuck taylors.

always keeps me daydreaming

i just came from purchasing eyeglasses and spending a butt load of money. i always have buyer's remorse when making big purchases like that when i'd rather spend the money on travel. oh, my priorities. so it is in the home stretch of the trip back to the 'homeland' and we're getting excited with everyday that passes and every piece of travel accessory we purchase. not only do i get to finally see where my parents were born and grew up but i also get to experience my own private island at the eco-resort on the island of Miniloc. i promise to write and take lots of pics to document the travels.

things have been busy - as they always seem to be in my life. often times i have to apologize to my partner for how jam packed my calendar can be. alas, it's all good things and there's a part of me that secretly enjoys being on the 'go' and doing things. sometimes i think its good because those times we have to slow down and do absolutely nothing we tend to cherish more than the average person.

oh how i would enjoy a glass of wine right now. just been one of those days. speaking of wine, a bunch of us attended the wine expo this past weekend. felt like i was 'expo-ing' it all day since i went to the kid's expo for some research for work then the 'adult' expo to enjoy some vino. wine was plentiful and good company was at hand so we had fun. i've made it a rule of mine to no longer mix alcohol - it hurts too much.

she and i have been tossing this idea around about spain in the fall along with a few local east coast trips this year. always keeps me daydreaming. just wish we could both have more time off of work. a dream of ours being that we take a 'leave of absence' and trek the globe for a few months maybe a year. yeah...government jobs don't allow too much of that.

'no nonsense' style of living

So this was my home for the weekend. We packed up the doggies and headed for a cabin in the mountains for a few days to soothe the soul. It was my first time staying in the mountains. Growing up my family vacations consisted of camping at the beach or various houses in VA Beach or the outer banks hence the horrendous tan I'd get (and still get). I can't begin to explain the solitude and solace this place emits. We arrived Friday just in time to catch the sunset over the mountain (which we had a full view from inside and out of the cabin). Now, about the only thing I can do without is the absurd cold weather but I can't complain with awaking to snow outside your window. Or I simply need to learn to wear socks ;) those that know me well know that I'm 'anti-socks'. Maybe it's the islander in me but I find no need for them. I must say the biggest thing I enjoy about our little cabin in the mountains is the 'no nonsense' style of living. You bring the essentials (food, clothing, dogs, and most importantly bottles of wine) . You cook all your meals, hike for a bit, hot tub for a bit more, star gaze at the most beautiful constellations in the black canvas that is the sky and that's it! You have meaningful conversations with your best friend, hang out on the couch in front of the fireplace with your furry best friends, and...breathe. It's that simple. And never have I enjoyed simplicity as much as I did in the mountains.

hugs and kisses through mail

i received this uber cool e-mail from my mom today. the girl and i sent her flowers for valentine's day (yes, i'm a sap) and she wrote me the most beautiful letter that almost left me in tears. it's the most amazing thing to have such supportive parents that are thankful for their daughter and uh...daughter-in-law. it's a damn good feeling.

then, one of my fave cousins (who has spent the last few months trekking the 'motherland' aka the Philippines) sent me an e-mail that kept me up to date on her international adventure. i've always admired her for her ability to 'supertramp' across the globe and leave this hum drum of a life on the east coast.

anyway, it was day full of hugs and kisses through mail. if i went into greater detail about other sappy e-mails and ecards you might vomit on yourself so - i'll spare you that much.

so it seems 2009 is the year of travel for me. almost as if trips are popping up every which way. lord knows, i'm not complaining just interesting how fate has these things planned and they all seem to fall into place. like where you find yourself now and how the past seems almost like a dream. realizing you are that same person just life has been injected with different people and different experiences and (if you're lucky) injected with massive amounts of happiness. often times i hate being so introspective and hate my ability to analyze and the fred savage 'wonder year's' narrative that goes on in my head. but without it i wouldn't wallow...or rather 'savor' all
the big and little pieces of life.

savoring makes for good songs, poems and stories for the kiddies.

I heart my iPhone

Remember when we were kids and pretended that we had 'futuristic' gadgets. Those that could talk back to us like robots and transport us from point A to B. Well, no matter how old I get I will have some geeky gadget to play with and pretend I can rule the world through it's keys. Yes, I am 12. I can sit here at work and work my thumbs to death, write blog entries like no ones business and not get busted by the internet police... IT assholes. How's that for 'sticking it to the man'?

attempting this new venture...blogging

alright, alright. so i've fed into it. allowing random and not so random people into my life's daily doings but it seems as if time hasn't been available for me to push pen to paper these days. instead i've succumb to being technologically saavy and creating this blog. maybe in a way feeding the inner child hood dream of being a writer, the closeted jealousy of tony bourdain, or the ability to blog from my iphone - either way...here i am.